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“The Valley”, Co-Parenting, and Boundaries: Santa Barbara Part II 

The Valley: Co-Parenting and Boundaries

We’re still in Santa Barbara this week, and the drama continues—but so do the legal lessons. From triggering exes to parenting dynamics with new partners, The Valley offers yet another round of real-life challenges wrapped in reality TV packaging. Here’s what stood out and how it relates to people navigating separation, parenting, and emotional boundaries in real life. 

When Your Ex is a Trigger

We see Jesse reacting emotionally to something Michelle said, and whether you’re on Team Michelle or Team Jesse, one thing is clear: your ex can be a trigger. Even if you’ve made peace with the separation, past hurt, unresolved conflict, or just their presence can bring up strong emotions. This is completely normal—but what matters is how you manage your response. 

Some strategies: 

  • Take a pause before responding to a message or comment. 
  • Try to shift communication to email (rather than text or in-person) to create space and reduce emotional reaction. 
  • If communication continues to spiral, consider using a communication platform like OurFamilyWizard or AppClose that helps keep things respectful and on-topic. 

And if you’re really struggling, having your lawyer step in to help manage or limit communication—at least temporarily—can be an important way to protect your peace. 

You Have to Communicate… But on Your Terms

Michelle says she wants to move on and “be happy”—and part of that means not communicating with Jesse. But they have a child together, which means completely cutting contact isn’t realistic. Instead, they need to find a way to establish a communication structure that works for both of them, while respecting each other’s space. 

For separated parents, that might look like: 

  • Keeping communication child-focused and factual. 
  • Using written communication only, especially where in-person discussions tend to escalate. 
  • Setting clear boundaries around non-urgent issues, and defining how emergencies will be handled. 

Courts in Saskatchewan expect parents to act in their child’s best interests, and that includes demonstrating willingness to cooperate and communicate respectfully. 

Be the Bigger Person

Michelle tells her friends that Jesse would have to be “crazy” to think she’d say anything nice about him just days after he called her an escort. It’s an understandable reaction—but one thing I always tell clients is: be the bigger person, even when it’s hard. 

This doesn’t mean being a doormat. It means choosing not to escalate conflict, especially when kids are involved. Judges notice who is trying to stay calm and cooperative, and who is actively fueling conflict. Take the high road—it pays off. 

Diagnoses and Disclosure

Jax mentions he’s been “diagnosed” with bipolar disorder. While we covered his rage texting and emotionally abusive behavior in last week’s post, this adds another layer to the conversation: mental health and parenting. 

A diagnosis alone does not determine whether someone can parent. The key is whether the condition is being treated and how it impacts the child’s wellbeing. The courts will look at stability, consistency, and insight into one’s own challenges when making decisions about parenting. 

It remains to be seen whether Jax’ diagnosis is legitimate and what impact that has on his ability to parent. That being said, Jax should continue to focus on improving his mental wellbeing, and not sending Brittany harassing text messages. 

Co-Parenting and Alcohol Dependency

Several characters on The Valley continue to struggle with alcohol overuse—something that is often dramatized on reality TV, but can have very real consequences in day-to-day life, especially for families navigating separation and parenting arrangements. 

If your co-parent has issues with alcohol dependency, it can be an incredibly difficult and emotional situation. You may be worried about your child’s safety, feel gaslit about what you’re experiencing, or unsure of what legal steps you can take. Here’s what you should know from a family law perspective: 

1. Document Concerns Thoughtfully 

If alcohol use is affecting parenting—missed exchanges, erratic communication, unsafe behavior around the child—start documenting those incidents. Keep your notes factual, not emotional. For example: 

  • “Parent arrived 45 minutes late to exchange and appeared intoxicated.” 
  • “Child reported that co-parent drank ‘lots of wine’ and fell asleep while they watched TV.” 

Courts don’t rely on hearsay or speculation—they need patterns and evidence. Keep records of messages, screenshots, and journal entries if needed. 

2. Safety Planning Comes First 

If there is a real concern that your co-parent is impaired while caring for your child, your first priority is protecting the child’s safety. You can: 

  • Propose supervised parenting time until the situation stabilizes. 
  • Suggest alcohol testing as a condition of parenting time. 
  • In urgent or high-risk cases, consult your lawyer about seeking interim orders to temporarily change parenting arrangements until the issue is addressed. 

Under Saskatchewan law, the best interests of the child are always the paramount concern. A parent’s access to the child can be restricted or conditioned where substance use creates a risk. 

3. Abstention Clauses and Agreements 

In some cases, it’s appropriate to include alcohol abstention clauses in a parenting agreement or court order. These may require a parent to refrain from drinking during their parenting time or for a set period before and after. In higher-conflict or serious cases, these can be backed up with requirements like: 

  • Third-party supervision of parenting time. 
  • Regular reporting to a parenting coordinator or lawyer. 

These tools aren’t about punishing a parent—they’re about creating a safe and consistent environment for the child. 

4. Treatment and Rebuilding Trust 

If your co-parent is actively in treatment or recovery, the Court will likely view this positively—but it doesn’t automatically restore parenting rights. Trust must be rebuilt over time. Progress in treatment, participation in programs (like AA or counselling), and consistency in parenting efforts all matter. 

Your role as a co-parent isn’t to diagnose or monitor—but to set boundaries and advocate for your child’s needs. A lawyer can help you strike the right balance between encouraging recovery and protecting your child. 

Conversations Take Time – And That’s Okay

This week, we saw Michelle and Jesse attempt a one-on-one conversation—something that, unsurprisingly, ended in yet another emotional blow-up. From a family law lens, this is all too relatable. 

Clients often ask: “How do I get to a place where we can talk like adults again?” The truth is, you might not be there yet. And that’s okay. 

Separation and co-parenting don’t magically flip a switch where both parties are suddenly ready to have calm, constructive conversations. These conversations are hard. They’re often emotional, especially when there’s unresolved hurt, mistrust, or power imbalances—just like what we’re seeing unfold between Michelle and Jesse. 

1. You Don’t Have to Force It 

If you and your ex-partner can’t talk without fighting, don’t talk right now. Instead, communicate in writing—ideally through email or a parenting communication app like OurFamilyWizard or AppClose. These platforms allow for clearer, more structured communication and can help reduce the emotional charge. 

A written record also helps keep everyone accountable and focused on the facts, not feelings. 

2. Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Respect 

Michelle is clearly trying to move on and “be happy,” but Jesse still seems to expect her to meet him where he’s at—emotionally, relationally, even socially. That’s a lot to ask. 

If you’re not ready (or willing) to have face-to-face conversations, you’re allowed to set that boundary. You can say, “For now, I prefer to communicate about parenting by email. I’m not comfortable with in-person or phone conversations at this time.” You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond that. 

3. The Right Time Will Come—But It Takes Work 

Mutual respect doesn’t automatically reappear after a separation. It needs to be rebuilt. That process takes maturity, time, and often, support. That could mean: 

  • Individual therapy or counselling. 
  • A parenting coordinator or mediator. 
  • Working with lawyers who understand family dynamics, not just legal rights. 

The goal is not to become best friends with your ex. The goal is to develop a civil, stable communication pattern that puts your child’s best interests first—whether that takes six months, a year, or longer. 

Watching Jesse and Michelle reminds us that healing doesn’t happen on demand. If your co-parenting dynamic feels rocky or emotionally loaded, don’t beat yourself up. Progress in this area is slow—but possible. Let your boundaries guide you until real communication becomes safe, stable, and productive. 

New Relationships and Respect

Jesse wants Michelle to be “happy” for him in his new relationship, even though his new partner has reportedly threatened Michelle with cease and desist letters. This kind of expectation is unrealistic, particularly where tensions are still high and communication is strained. 

If your new partner is in conflict with your co-parent, it’s your responsibility to step in and minimize that conflict, especially around the children. Saskatchewan courts expect both parties to foster a child’s relationship with the other parent—and that includes setting boundaries with third parties. 

Michelle also raises a valid concern when her daughter tells her she “has two mommies.” This is a red flag. New partners should never be introduced as replacements—this can confuse children and damage co-parenting trust. Instead, introduce new partners as a “bonus” adult or friend. Respect your child’s relationship with their other parent. 

Also worth noting: Michelle’s frustration comes with a side of hypocrisy. Her new partner has a close relationship with their daughter too. This highlights the importance of having a shared standard around introducing new partners—one that works for both parents and prioritizes the child’s comfort and clarity. 

Don’t Give Them Your Energy

Nia offers Michelle some excellent advice: “Don’t give him your energy.” Easier said than done, but such an important mantra. You can’t control what your ex says or does—but you can control what you respond to. 

That’s why I often tell clients: let your lawyer do the talking. Having someone else manage communication can give you the space to focus on your own wellbeing and rebuild your life after separation. 

Brittany, Boundaries, and the Phone

We end the episode with Brittany glued to her phone at dinner, reading everything Jax sends. She admits she can’t help herself. But here’s the hard truth: you can help yourself. You can block numbers, mute notifications, and set boundaries. 

If your ex won’t stop messaging you—even when asked not to—you can limit communication through email only, or have your lawyer issue a formal notice. The Courts in Saskatchewan support parents who protect their peace and prioritize their wellbeing, especially when they’re trying to care for children at the same time. 

The Bottom Line?

Being a good co-parent isn’t about being perfect—it’s about setting boundaries, staying calm, and putting your child first. Whether you’re dealing with emotional triggers, new relationships, or legal challenges, there are supports available, and you don’t have to do it alone. 

Stay tuned for next week’s episode recap. More drama = more legal lessons! 

Disclaimer: these posts are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. They are not meant to provide legal advice. If you need legal advice, PLEASE consult a lawyer! Even better, book with us 🙂

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“The Valley”, Co-Parenting, and Boundaries: Santa Barbara Part II 

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