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“The Valley”: Still in Santa Barbara… But Time to Head Home (Emotionally and Literally)

The Valley

Lessons from The Valley on High-Conflict Divorce, Accountability, and Prenups 

We’re still in Santa Barbara this week (seriously, how long is this trip?), but finally, the group is finally heading back to Los Angeles—and not a moment too soon. The beautiful setting couldn’t mask the emotional tension simmering under the surface. What started as a getaway ended in more relationship strain, more unresolved trauma, and a few moments of unexpected vulnerability. 

As always, the drama gives us a lot to think about—especially when it comes to co-parenting, new relationships after divorce, emotional accountability, and what healthy support really looks like. 

Let’s get into it. 

The Danny and Nia Dilemma: Supporting Your Partner vs. Enabling Harmful Behaviour

One of the central tensions this week comes from the group’s concern about Danny’s drinking and Nia’s reluctance to call it out publicly. Several cast members feel Nia is being disingenuous by not acknowledging what they see as a clear problem with alcohol. But from Nia’s perspective, she’s standing by her partner. 

This is where it gets complicated. Supporting someone you love doesn’t always mean agreeing with everything they do. At the same time, not everyone is ready—or able—to confront issues like substance use in a public or group setting. 

The reality is, addiction is complex and deeply personal. And when it intersects with parenting, the stakes are even higher. From a family law standpoint, alcohol dependency—especially when it affects a parent’s ability to care for their child safely—can be a major issue. Saskatchewan courts will always centre their analysis on the best interests of the child. If one parent’s substance use creates risk or instability, the court may limit their parenting time or require conditions like supervised access or treatment compliance. 

That doesn’t mean recovery isn’t possible—it absolutely is. But it does mean that denial, deflection, or avoidance can have serious legal and relational consequences. If you’re the partner of someone dealing with these challenges, you can show support and advocate for accountability at the same time. 

Michelle and Scheana’s Chat: When Divorce Drama Spills into New Relationships

I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting much from Michelle’s sit-down with Vanderpump Rules alum Scheana, but it ended up being one of the more emotionally honest moments in the episode. Michelle is clearly struggling with the ongoing conflict with Jesse, and the pressure is taking a toll on her new relationship with Aaron. 

Aaron makes a difficult but valid point: if things don’t start to calm down, he may not be able to continue the relationship. 

This is an incredibly real issue. Divorce—especially high-conflict divorce—can cast a long shadow over new beginnings. Even if you’re emotionally ready to move on, unresolved legal disputes, co-parenting challenges, and old emotional wounds can show up again and again in your day-to-day life and relationships. 

From a family law perspective, this is one of the reasons we often encourage clients to seek support not just from lawyers but from mental health professionals. Conflict wears people down. It drains time, energy, and emotional bandwidth. And if it’s not managed properly, it doesn’t just affect the separating couple—it impacts new partners, children, extended family, and everyone else in the circle. 

A key tool in managing that conflict? Boundaries. Consider setting up: 

  • Clear rules around communication (e.g., only communicating by email or through a parenting app). 
  • Third-party professionals (like lawyers or parenting coordinators) to buffer difficult conversations. 
  • Personal boundaries to protect your peace—because you deserve to be able to enjoy your new life without dragging the entire past into it. 

Life Coaching vs. Therapy: Jesse Needs More Than Motivation

Jesse sits down with his life coach this episode, and while I appreciate that he’s trying to get support, this raised a red flag for me. Life coaches can be great for goal-setting or motivation, but when you’re navigating the fallout of a relationship breakdown—especially one involving emotional distress, co-parenting issues, and conflict—you need a licensed mental health professional. 

Therapists and counsellors are trained to help you: 

  • Identify patterns of behaviour. 
  • Process trauma or emotional pain. 
  • Build healthier ways of interacting with others (especially your ex). 

In family law, I often see people who think they’re doing the work—reading books, journaling, talking to life coaches—but who haven’t actually addressed the root causes of the conflict. Without professional support, they may stay stuck in blame, victimhood, or emotional reactivity. 

Jesse’s journey toward healing is commendable. But if he truly wants to co-parent effectively and build a new life, he’ll need more than pep talks and personal affirmations. He’ll need accountability, self-awareness, and actual therapeutic tools. 

Wedding Bells? Let’s Talk Prenups

One bright spot in the episode was Luke and Danny going ring shopping—Luke is planning to propose to Kristen, and I have to say, it’s sweet to see some hope and love amidst all the chaos. 

But since I wear my family lawyer hat 24/7, let me offer one gentle piece of advice: get a prenup. 

It’s not about planning for divorce—it’s about being smart, prepared, and clear about your expectations. In Saskatchewan, prenuptial or cohabitation agreements can: 

  • Define how property will be divided if the relationship ends. 
  • Set expectations around spousal support. 
  • Protect pre-existing assets or inheritance rights. 
  • Create clarity around joint financial obligations. 

With a properly drafted and independently advised agreement, both parties can start their marriage with transparency and peace of mind. And frankly, given the mess Michelle and Jesse are wading through, it’s a good reminder that planning ahead can spare you years of legal headaches. 

Jesse’s Lack of Self-Awareness: Accountability Is Key

One of the most frustrating moments this episode was Jesse expressing confusion about Michelle’s “deep-rooted anger.” After everything he’s said and done in the last few episodes—public name-calling, controlling behaviour, emotionally charged messaging—it’s wild that he still doesn’t get it. 

Here’s a hard truth that many people going through separation need to hear: if you can’t see how your behaviour contributes to conflict, you’re not ready to move forward. 

Co-parenting isn’t about being perfect. But it does require a basic level of emotional maturity. That includes: 

  • Acknowledging past harm. 
  • Taking responsibility without defensiveness. 
  • Making space for your co-parent’s feelings—even if you don’t agree with them. 

In legal proceedings, a lack of insight or refusal to acknowledge harmful behaviour can also backfire. Judges don’t expect you to be best friends with your ex—but they do expect you to be functional, respectful, and aware of your role in the dynamic. 

If you’re still stuck in the mindset that “I’ve done nothing wrong,” you’re not just blocking reconciliation—you’re possibly putting your parenting rights at risk. 

Final Thoughts: It’s Okay to Still Be Figuring It Out

This week’s episode felt transitional. The trip to Santa Barbara is finally over, but the emotional fallout is still front and centre. Everyone’s trying to figure out how to move forward—with their co-parents, with their new partners, and with themselves. 

There’s no quick fix for the messiness of separation and blended families. But there are ways to make the process less painful: 

  • Set and maintain strong boundaries. 
  • Be accountable for your role in the conflict. 
  • Seek help from the right professionals. 
  • Prioritize your emotional health and the wellbeing of your children. 

Sometimes, the best first step is just recognizing that healing takes time—and that you don’t have to figure it out alone. 

If you’re navigating a separation, struggling with a high-conflict co-parenting relationship, or thinking about how to protect your future in a new relationship, we’re here to help. At Evolve Family Law, we work with families across Canada to reduce conflict, support resolution, and protect what matters most. 

Disclaimer: these posts are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. They are not meant to provide legal advice. If you need legal advice, PLEASE consult a lawyer! Even better, book with us 🙂

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“The Valley”: Still in Santa Barbara… But Time to Head Home (Emotionally and Literally)

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